Do you want to meet the man of your dreams—but keep meeting duds instead? Are you struggling with an unhappy relationship? In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, comedian-turned-relationship expert Steve Harvey argues that dating issues like these happen because women misunderstand men—and to avoid heartbreak, you must learn to "think like a man."
In our guide, you'll learn what men need, how they think, and how they behave when it comes to dating women and forming lasting relationships. You'll also learn Harvey's strategies for finding the right man and keeping him long-term—and his recommendations on how to handle common relationship issues like infidelity. Along the way, you'll learn alternative dating strategies from other dating experts—so that you can get the relationship of your dreams.
Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man
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Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey .
In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, comedian-turned-relationship guru Steve Harvey offers advice to every woman—whether single, dating, or married—who wants to attract and keep a man. He believes that many women struggle to form long-term relationships because they misunderstand men. To help women solve this problem, Harvey explores what men need, how they think, and how they behave when it comes to dating women and forming lasting relationships—and how women should behave in response to get the dating life they want.
In this guide, we’ll first resolve the common misunderstandings women have about men. Then, we’ll discuss Harvey’s tips for finding a man and how to behave in both the short- and long-term to keep him around. Finally, we’ll discuss Harvey’s strategies for solving issues you might face in a long-term relationship.
According to Harvey, many women’s dating struggles stem from the fact that they don’t understand men. Specifically, they don’t understand 1) what drives men, 2) how men love, 3) what men need from women, and 4) what men don’t want. But, Harvey argues, unless you understand these topics, you won’t know how to respond to the games men often play in relationships and thus risk heartbreak.
(Shortform note: The proliferation of writing that aims to help women understand men suggests Harvey isn’t alone in believing that women struggle in this regard. However, evidence suggests that men struggle to understand women, too—for example, men have difficulty reading women's facial expressions.)
In this section, we’ll explore these four topics to gain a greater understanding of how, according to Harvey, men think and behave.
Harvey argues that men are all driven by the same motivations. They need to figure out three things to feel like a man: what their job will be, what their title will be because of that job (like “manager”), and how much money they’ll earn. Men are also motivated by the need to feel like they’re in charge in at least one area of their life—like their professional life.
(Shortform note: Experts suggest that male motivation may have different roots than those Harvey explores. For instance, evolutionary biologists argue that men are intrinsically motivated by the desire to reproduce. Moreover, research casts doubt on Harvey’s assertion that all men are driven by the same factors. In fact, one study on what motivates employees in the workplace couldn’t identify any factors that successfully motivated all participants. Rather, each employee was motivated by a unique mix of factors—which suggests that the same may be true of men, too.)
Harvey believes that one of the best things you can do to have a happy relationship with men is to learn how men love. He argues that a man’s love can be boiled down to three actions. (Shortform note: Other authors have highlighted other ways that men demonstrate their love for their partner. For instance, one relationship blogger lists 10 ways in which men often show their love, like being willing to compromise.)
1) He publicly uses terms of endearment. Harvey states that men like to stake claim to things. So if he introduces you to people he cares about with a title—like girlfriend—he’s letting them all know you’re his. (Shortform note: A 1993 study suggests that people who use terms of endearment may have happier relationships.)
2) He looks after you. Harvey argues that a man who loves you will try to provide for you financially—and if he can’t, he’ll try to look after you in other ways, like by trying to fix your broken refrigerator. (Shortform note: In The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman argues that everybody uses one of five different “languages” to express and understand their love. The love language of a man who looks after you may be “acts of service”: He expresses love by doing things that make your life easier.)
3) He keeps you safe. According to Harvey, if a man loves you, you’re his most prized possession, so he’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you. (Shortform note: Evolutionary biologists often refer to actions your man takes to protect you as “mate guarding,” which stems from your man’s biological drive to ensure that other men don’t steal his mate.)
Harvey argues that you only need to do three things for your man to keep him happy:
1) Create a supportive home environment. Harvey argues that men need a woman who’ll relieve the stress in their everyday lives by expressing appreciation for them—not one who’ll create more stress by being unsupportive or uncaring.
2) Stand by him, always. Harvey asserts that a man who knows you’ll stand by his side, stay faithful, and support him no matter what is one who’ll stay loyal to you, too.
(Shortform note: Harvey’s first two ideas about what men need from women closely align with those of John Gray.
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In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey offers advice to every woman—whether single, dating, or married—who wants to attract and keep a man. He believes that many women struggle to form long-term relationships because they misunderstand men. To help women solve this problem, Harvey explores what men need, how they think, and how they behave when it comes to dating women and forming lasting relationships.
Ultimately, Harvey wants women to be able to “think like a man” while still “acting like a lady”—in other words, for women to understand and appeal to the male psyche while maintaining their femininity.
Steve Harvey is an entertainer, broadcaster, and author. After breaking into the entertainment industry as a stand-up comedian in the 1990s, he soon transitioned into radio and television presenting roles. He’s perhaps best known for presenting the television game show Family Feud and the nationally-broadcast radio program The Steve Harvey Morning Show. Harvey has won numerous awards for his television work, including six Daytime Emmy Awards.
**Since the late 2000s, Harvey has gained a.
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According to Steve Harvey, many women’s dating struggles stem from the fact that they don’t understand men. Specifically, they don’t understand:
Harvey argues that this lack of understanding puts women at risk of manipulation and heartbreak at the hands of men. After all, he notes, if you don’t understand men, you won’t know how to respond to the games they often play in relationships.
(Shortform note: The proliferation of writing that aims to help women understand men suggests Harvey isn’t alone in believing that women struggle in this regard. However, evidence suggests that men don’t always understand women, either. For instance, according to one scientific study, men may struggle to understand how women feel because [they have difficulty.
This is the best summary of How to Win Friends and Influence PeopleI've ever read. The way you explained the ideas and connected them to other books was amazing.
Now that you know how a man shows love, what does this make you think about your past relationships?
Think about a long-term relationship that ended in the past. In what ways did your ex make you feel loved?
Read full summary of Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man
It’s easy to believe you’re doing everything right in a relationship and be confused when it ends. But are you sure you were doing the right things for your man?
What are some ways you try to show love in your relationships?
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In this second part of the guide, we’ll examine Harvey’s strategies for finding and keeping a man. In this chapter, we’ll specifically explore his tips for the first stage in any relationship: actually getting a man in the first place.
According to Harvey, the first thing to consider when you start to date a man is what he wants from you. Does he want to pursue you in the hopes of starting a relationship—or, is he just interested in sleeping with you? Harvey argues that in the vast majority of cases, it’s the latter scenario. Most men only want to have a fun, physical fling with you, and if you expect more from them—in other words, commitment—you’ll only be disappointed.
(Shortform note: Why might a man shy away from commitment and pursue only casual relationships? According to clinical psychologist Diana Kirschner, men who eschew commitment often do so out of fear. This fear can manifest in various ways, including fear of rejection, fear of not meeting expectations, or fear of revealing their flaws. Kirschner argues that.
Read full summary of Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man
The moment you first meet a man, he’ll start analyzing your behavior to figure out whether you want a long-term relationship or a casual fling. Reflect on what your present behavior around men says about you.
What is your first instinct when a man approaches you, and how do you behave?
This is the best summary of How to Win Friends and Influence PeopleI've ever read. The way you explained the ideas and connected them to other books was amazing.
It’s not easy to be clear about what you need from a man when you’re still getting to know him. But setting standards can save you a world of trouble down the road with the wrong man.
Have you ever taken the initiative to set standards up front in your relationship? Why or why not?
Read full summary of Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man
So, you’ve found a man, and you’ve both decided to give dating a try—what next? In this section, we’ll discuss Harvey’s tips for how to behave in the early stages of a relationship to ensure its long-term success: Namely, withhold sex for the first three months, introduce him to your children, and meet his family.
If you’re looking for a committed relationship, Harvey recommends that you withhold sex for the first 90 days. Harvey contends that sex is a privilege of being with you, not a right—and you should evaluate him for 90 days to determine whether he’s worthy of that benefit. In this section, we’ll discuss why you should wait for 90 days—and how to get successfully to Day 91.
Why 90 days? Harvey presents two reasons.
First, Harvey notes, 90 days is enough time to weed out any men who are looking solely for sex. But if he’s solely interested in sex, his patience will wane before 90 days is up and he’ll leave. In contrast, a man who will prove his worth to you for 90 days without sex is a man who respects you and as such is someone worth investing your time in.
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